So yes, blog selfies are a bit silly. But this year is all about confidence and now is one of those times where I truly feel beautiful, inside and out. Life is full of so much passion and hope. I wish to always feel just as inspired as I do in this very moment. Inner peace changes everything.
Here’s to the good days. They help to overcome the bad ones.
~Namaste
So I am currently hyped up on way too much coffee, New York City is covered in a fluffy white blanket, I’m cuddled inside enjoying the gorgeous view AND I made my first ever snow angel earlier; I am in the greatest mood.
I’ll be a college freshman in approximately three weeks. I know that I will be learning many things but honestly I’ve already learned the most important one. This lesson is internal. I love and appreciate myself. That’s all. Nothing more.
I think sometimes people hear the word “meditation” and it may appear so obscure, unknown and out there that they are unwilling to try. I think if all the world took the time to meditate, in any form of their choice, we would have so much less hate and hurt. To connect with yourself in meditation form is a true gift. One I am very passionate about. All anxiety melts away with a few deep breaths and true focus on self. That ability to let go is so important.
All the past make sense and I have trust in my future. I am being taken care of in all accounts and I feel true love from those closest to me. There is nothing more I need and to wish for more seems silly and selfish. My picture is different from the future I envisioned but I’m having a wonderful time building a different one.
Much love to you all. Namaste.
These days I surround myself with people I love, give my soul to my passions and experience all the beauty I desire. I’m taking care of me. It feels good.
So much can change in a year.
I’m grateful for how far I’ve come in the last year. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have the freedom to live my life in any way I choose and I’m having a wonderful time doing so. Most importantly, I’m having fun.
Life is good.
So the seasons shifted, there was another gorgeous full moon and my birthday happened; one right after the other. These events combined left me feeling quite powerful and I believe the energy flowing throughout me is more present than ever.
As I age further, I never know what exactly to do in celebration of completing another year of life in this crazy world. What I’ve found is that all that really matters is appreciating what you have. I embrace all the little things that make me smile and take comfort in knowing that I am living to my fullest.
I decided to give myself a full week devoted to myself and of course, with the help of all the wonderful people in my life, had a blast. Live folk music, dancing, yoga, running, lots of wine, beach time and an absolute perfect park picnic by the water overlooking the Manhattan skyline.
Another year of learning. Another year of living.
Another year of me.
Grateful for all that is. Hopeful for what lies ahead.
Sometimes you need to slow down and appreciate just how far you have come.
That’s exactly what I made time for this morning. Sitting at a french cafe in the heart of Chelsea, I reflected on the past few weeks. There is definite evidence of progress. I have been participating in and enjoying Bikram yoga for close to three months now. My friend and I signed up for a 5k Summer series in Prospect Park. Every other Wednesday throughout the summer we will run a 5k. Ran one so far and although it was rough getting back into it, I felt proud to be doing something I love again. Running always makes me feel so strong. I made a commitment to cut sugar out of my diet and successfully went a whole three weeks without a drop of it. During that time I also consumed no alcohol and while I did have a few beers after my detox was over in honor of celebration, I have decided to quit drinking almost indefinitely. I don’t feel that need to escape that I once did which alcohol used to provide me and mostly just feels like I am poisoning my body whenever I do drink. I always feel worse. I only want to participate in activities that are beneficial to my body; I want to be good to myself. I established a personal doctor again and have been in for a few visits, it has been years since I’ve paid any attention to those important details of my life. This morning I was informed that I lost 12 pounds and drastically improved my blood pressure since my previous visit. I can only continue to work hard at boosting my health. Because all that matters to me is that I am healthy; physically, mentally and spiritually.
Aside from the focus on my health and wellness, I also recently received a raise after I obtained my New York City Health Academy certification in Food Safety. It feels good to be able to buy a few more groceries and not work so hard to pay the bills. I’m also looking forward to being able to travel a bit more often, so long as I can afford it.
I’m close to a month away from a trip home. I cannot wait to see my loved ones, have some fun and laughter and recharge my spirit.
I believe that life is mostly about timing. Sometimes things happen at all the wrong moments. But then again, sometimes it all works out. I feel strongly that there are amazing things about to happen in my future. I’m not waiting around or anything. My everyday adventures are more than I could ask for. I have the best friends, most supportive and loving family, an open mind, a big heart and the desire to always experience new things constantly and learn as much as I can. I believe the universe is taking good care of me as well as all of the hard work I have been doing.
Oh and it has officially been one year since I moved back to New York. I am still so in love with this amazingly versatile city.
I am a very lucky and grateful woman.
I guess we can call this a rough draft. I am sure to re-visit this at a later date but for now I just need to get it out. Because I feel very strongly on the topic.
I wish to discuss some things very important to me. Body image and respect.
First off, body image, especially in today’s society. Let me first say that I am pleased with the direction that the everyday depiction of a real woman’s body is headed these days. I see more and more full-figured woman in the media, advertisements, tv-shows, etc than ever before. But I believe there is still a real problem with society’s expectations of what size we should be or how we should look.
I believe much more emphasis should be put on the health aspect instead of “weight” and “size”. I’ve battled with my “weight” for a large portion of my life. Now that I have spent the last 5 years or so learning what it means to be “healthy”, I wish someone had introduced me to this lifestyle sooner. Instead of drinking slim-fast at age 9 (which is just fucking horrible now that I look back on it) or basically starving myself and taking very dangerous diet pills at age 21, I could have just learned how to eat real, whole, healthy foods and just be good to my body.
These days I am so proud of my body and I have no problems saying that. I embrace every little imperfection and make an effort to appreciate my whole self with every glance in the mirror. Maybe it’s wisdom that’s come with aging, maybe it’s so many empowering conversations I’ve had with my close female friends, or perhaps it’s all those times I spent changing in locker rooms finally realizing that no one is perfect and we all have our faults. I don’t know exactly but I am thankful for everything I’ve learned about myself.
Here is the problem. Now that we are approaching warmer temperatures, everyday clothing choices are no doubt more revealing. Especially when you’ve previously been bundled up with 3 or 4 layers. In all neighborhoods that I’ve resided in since my move to NYC, there seems to always be those men. The ones who stand around in groups just waiting for a girl in a skirt, dress, shorts, whatever to pass by. Then the filthy, disgusting, inappropriate, grotesque and degrading comments begin. It could be anything from a statement, a whistle, a look, a kiss noise or beyond. Either way, it’s uncomfortable and unwanted. This happens every year and at times it actually makes me question what clothing I choose to wear for the day. I think if I were in any other city I would be quicker to speak up and express my dislike of this. But to be on the safe side, I usually do everything I can to modify my path so that I do not have to come in direct contact with these men. This is difficult in a city where I rely on walking and public transit for all my travels.
I do not deserve to be treated in this way nor does any other woman. The lack of respect makes me sick and I wish I knew how to change it. Just because I am tall, have long legs and decide to wear shorts for the day, doesn’t give some creepy guy the right to say derogatory things to me.
So I vow to wear whatever I want to this summer. Without worrying about what disrespectful comment I might receive. Because it is my body and my freedom to be me. I will never again let someone else make me feel bad about that.
Today I felt the sun. The warmth was familiar yet something I have been missing for the last six months. It feels as if Spring has finally arrived and I’m thankful to be rid of the aching cold in my bones. It is beautiful around here this time of year and I’ve been spending much of my time outside wandering about and snapping pictures of it all.
As I lay basking in the glorious weather atop my roof I began wondering what the rest of this year has in store for me. Clearly it will be whatever I make of it. Only I can decide because I am in charge of my own world. Still, part of me always holds on to that bit of hope that something unexpectedly wonderful is about to happen.
I could use a surprise.
Tonight I walked the streets of New York, uptown where tall buildings surround your every move. Holiday music and brightly lit displays stimulate the senses. It seems I always fall back into that feeling, the same one I first felt overcome me back in May of 2010. I’ll never forget it as long as I live. I was certain from the moment I arrived; this is where I was meant to be. I had waited so long to feel this way. I finally belonged. I was home.
I feel grateful to occasionally have that same “new” feeling radiate through me. After all this time, the gleam remains. My love for this city still burns rapidly.
The universe always seems to take care of me in its own ways as long as I continue to believe. Things just work out. A little bit of luck is always looming not too far behind. Independence suits me but I still know when to ask for help. Most importantly, I’ve become quite the problem solver. Things that used to have me anxiety-ridden or perhaps in tears now simply presents something new to research, strategize and conquer. I look forward to every new token of knowledge and experience. It’s kind of like playing a video game. But its real life 🙂
Officially I will be a New Yorker for at least another year. I have committed to that via my new lease that just began. I am excited beyond belief and I know this shall be the best year ever. I can’t help but smile.
It’s a brisk wintry night and I’m safe, cozy and warm indoors; staying at a friend’s house. She is the true meaning of hospitality and friendship. So many people will say they are there for you whenever you may need them. But in the end, who actually lives up to these promises. All I know is that, in my time of need, she was there.
The last few months have been a test and I am undoubtedly still making my way through. But it’s all these obstacles that make the journey that much more worth it.
I’m currently reading the most wonderful book titled “The Last Lecture”. It’s written by Randy Pausch, a man dying of pancreatic cancer. It’s a book about living, the things that matter and simply appreciating life. I recommend that you all read it.
“It’s not about how to achieve your dreams, it’s about how to lead your life, … If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself, the dreams will come to you.”
“When you’re screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore that means they’ve given up on you…you may not want to hear it but your critics are often the ones telling you they still love you and care about you and want to make you better.”
“It took a long time, but I’ve finally figured it out. When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.”
“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”
A couple of days ago, I lost my phone. Meaning (funny story) it fell in the toilet while I was at a holiday party and now it won’t turn on. I was only upset for one reason. The first thing I though of? My pictures, all of my beloved pictures… If there is one thing that keeps me going on a daily basis it is my self-documentation through the photos I have taken. I’ve had that phone almost as long I have lived in New York. Almost two years and over 3000 pictures later and here I am, almost devastated to lose that part of my journey, my vividly illustrated memories.
Perhaps it was just another brick wall. There will be many more days, different adventures, countless new journeys and plenty of new pictures to keep my passion alive. Tomorrow is always a brand new day.
Homeostasis 