Today I felt the sun. The warmth was familiar yet something I have been missing for the last six months. It feels as if Spring has finally arrived and I’m thankful to be rid of the aching cold in my bones. It is beautiful around here this time of year and I’ve been spending much of my time outside wandering about and snapping pictures of it all.
As I lay basking in the glorious weather atop my roof I began wondering what the rest of this year has in store for me. Clearly it will be whatever I make of it. Only I can decide because I am in charge of my own world. Still, part of me always holds on to that bit of hope that something unexpectedly wonderful is about to happen.
I could use a surprise.
These last several weeks have been nothing sort of extraordinary. I came, went, saw, laughed, learned, explored, discovered, shared, pushed, coped and conquered.
I’m very fortunate to work with an amazing as well as eclectic group of individuals. They have exposed me to some very different things and ways of thinking. In addition to just being great people, when I am around them, I always feel like I belong. On an everyday basis I can feel misunderstood but when I’m around the people I work with, I feel right at home. It never matters that I’m a thirty-one year old “Barista” that still has no idea what she wants to do with her life, because they are all right there with me; they get it.
Back in September, one of my friends who I work with put on his first official dance recital since being in NY. He’s a great guy with so much talent.
I finally gave EHarmony a try and even went on a date. It was nice. I had fun. Dating had started to resemble a foreign language so it was nice to get back out there. As to whether or not it will happen again any time soon… who knows. Life is full of surprises.
Last month I had the wonderful opportunity to travel upstate with my good friend Caitlin for her annual “Family Fall Weekend”. Every year she gathers friends and family to spend a weekend in Accord, NY in her warm and welcoming childhood home. It was a weekend that I will not soon forget surrounded by amazing souls that truly made my heart happy.
I first saw Fiona Apple perform live back in 2006. I’ve always had such a love for her music, voice and mostly her lyrics. So when a chance came to she her again this year, I was ecstatic. Words cannot describe how raw, real, emotional and inspirational the show was. All I can say is that it was extremely touching and I enjoyed every moment. Once in a lifetime experience to see her in New York City.
Probably the most priceless moment I’ve had lately is when my sister and my Mother came to visit me at the same time. We had a week full of adventures and it was especially important to me that I had the chance to introduce my Mom to the wonderful ins and outs of my favourite city and also for her to understand what my life is like out here. When Tiffany and I first moved away back in 2010 she said she never had any desire to visit NY. I am so thankful she changed her mind. The time we spent together was so important to me. I love my Mom so much and miss her everyday. Equally rad was to be able to see Tiffany again. It’s hard to be so far away from her all the time. She’s my rock and always has been.
Storm Sandy was the most intense natural disaster that I have ever experienced first hand. Living through a real life tragedy really taught me a lot about human kind and especially the power of people when they join together to push through tough times. The city is still struggling and will be for quite some time but it is wonderful to see how many organizations are committed to helping those in need. I’m proud to be a New Yorker every day. There is so much strength here.
Barely a week after Sandy and we got hit with our first snow storm of the season. What a crazy surprise. I have this love for snow that just wont quit. Sure it’s cold, but so beautiful and mysterious.
I was lucky enough to visit the famous “Carnegie Hall” to see the New York Pops Symphony with my friend Sloan who had a press pass. It was a religious experience that stimulated all the senses and put me in the perfect mood. The night I shared with Sloan immediately following was just as fun. I am so fortunate to have such fabulous friends here.
Between all these happenings it’s been my goal to continually gather up all that this city has to offer. The holidays are just around the corner and this is my favorite time of year to walk the streets of New York. It feels powerfully magical even on the days when you are aren’t quite feeling it.
Here’s to all the other firsts in my near future. I plan on seeing and doing it all.
Captains Log: 10.29.12: 6:41 pm
All windows and doors have been secured.
Candles, flashlights, batteries. matches, radio and other misc supplies have been gathered.
Food supply is plenty.
Power is still on.
The sound of constant sirens fill the streets shared only by the pouring rain and intense wind bursts.
The transit system was shut down last night and the bridges are now being closed as well.
Now we wait.
And of course, drink large amounts of wine.
I’ve found that since I’ve moved to the east coast and actually began to experience the change of seasons that this time of year is my absolute favorite. Fall fills my heart with such joy and it seems I also walk around in a dreamy state more than usual. It’s just so damn beautiful around here. The colors are mesmerizing. Silly as it may sound, I find myself drifting around aimlessly, falling in love, all over again, with this glorious city and everything surrounding me. It matters not if I am sitting in the park in the middle of the day watching leaves fall or strolling along the Hudson River and night just engulfing my lungs with the Autumn air; the city seems more stunning, life feels more breath-taking and I appear more elegant.
What fascinates me is that all this beauty is rooted from the death in nature. Trees dying, life fading and the sun moving further and further away. Soon the days will become shorter and cold will set in. But even then, when winter takes over, I will embrace it and how it makes me feel.
So many things have died inside of me lately. So many endings. You would expect sadness to set it but it hasn’t; it just won’t. I’m like a forest full of trees, stuck between two seasons. My leaves are changing, parts of me are completely exposed for all to see but I’m overwhelmingly vivid. I am beautiful. Perhaps my glory is coming to an end for now. Maybe I’ll become completely covered in snow, silent and still for a while. But when I re-emerge I will be taller and stronger than ever.
Seasons are always changing, we are always just a few months away from a new beginning. And I am always an inspiration away from the next phase of myself. Ever-changing and always evolving.
‘Live the life you love,
Love the life you live.”
Sometime in the past week or so, the air finally began to change. The birds started singing loudly, the leaves are sprouting on various trees, flowers began to bloom and the grass is getting greener. Spring is here. My daily commute has felt much more enjoyable without all the layers and I desire to be outdoors as much as possible. Simply put, this weather is nothing short of a blessing in disguise.
I’ve been battling with some decisions and miscellaneous internal demons these past few weeks. Mostly regarding the next steps I will take in my life. I did have it all planned out but life happens and sometimes that causes me to think, possibly even over think. I was having overpowering surges of sadness as well as intense loneliness at times. I was missing many people back home. These feelings are normal and perhaps, in the moment, I let them get the best of me. But I have found that in these moments of sadness, I grow even stronger in my independence. Every time I have one of these waves of weakness/loneliness, I use it as motivation in some way. In the past I may have just slept the day away, ate way too much unhealthy crap, felt sorry for myself or cried uncontrollably. These days I understand myself better. I know I have to get out and do something, write something or create something. Lately I’ve been taking the dog on a lot of long walks, decorating my house and trying out a few new recipes a week. These things always make me feel happy.
This past Monday I took my first run outside since I’ve lived here. I remember walking these neighborhood streets when I first arrived and thinking of the day I would run them. That first night run I took was completely cleansing to say the least. I ran fast and hard but I felt so strong and steady. I let everything that had been bothering me just melt away. I imagined myself running that same path for the next few months and all I could do was smile. That’s when I decided it. I am staying in Ohio. It suites me. There is this part of my soul that knows that I am supposed to be here at this very time in my life. No matter the odds, the loneliness, sadness, struggle, distance from loved ones, longing for other places or the hardships, I will rise above it. I will persevere. This is my destiny. I just know it.
Everyday I feel more thankful to be myself and realize just how special that is. Every mistake, flaw and faulty piece keeps me grounded, reminds me of my roots, where I have been and where I am going.