Tonight I faced a new challenge. One I have been fearful of for some time now. I attended my first hot yoga class. It was undoubtedly hard work but very therapeutic. It was almost as if I could feel things inside of me melting away with every bit of dripping sweat.
Lately I view my life as a whirlwind. Definitely a fun whirlwind, but not close to subsiding anytime soon. It’s like when you see someone in the distance and you can’t tell if they are walking closer towards you or further away. I’m not sure which way I’m headed.
There are so many good things that I am doing for myself. Self-awareness continues to be my greatest concern. As much as I intend on living in the moment, I still catch my mind wandering.
The gift of yoga is the only thing that I’ve found that keeps me balanced. I’m able to accept things, let in the good, let go of the bad. All I know is that I finally understand that I am good enough. Just as I am. That alone is enough to keep me going every single day. I feel strong.
I wish there were a way for me to fully capture this moment in which I am currently existing, at least so I could share the feeling with someone; anyone really. Jazz in the background, candles lit, safely snuggled under my heated blanket while I lounge here to document this next stage of me.
Rewind back to last year this time and I was living in a beautiful world called Columbus, Ohio. My job was high-stress, friends were scarce, resources limited and I needed something big to happen. For me. I was longing for a new outlet. I made the decision back then that I would someday run a half-marathon. Running was still somewhat new to me at that point but undoubtedly something I had grown to love. I pushed myself so very hard for the next 6 months, although not quite as intensely as I had hoped for. So instead, this last May, I ran my first 5k. One of the most rewarding moments of my life.
Fast forward to now. My wonderful friend Johanelli and I have decided to really start training for a Half Marathon next May. Now that I have an actual partner in crime to share this amazing and excruciatingly difficult journey, I feel more motivated than I ever have. I know all too well how painful this process is sure to be but at the same time the end results are guaranteed to be powerful beyond measure.
On top of marathon training, I will also be moving apartments in two short weeks. Words cannot describe how thankful I am to be moving on from this unfortunately poisonous living situation. Not to mention this new place will be a definite step up in my world and I can’t wait to start over again. It seems I do that often.
I could be the heated blanket, the Jazz, the endorphins or the fact that the moon is finally in my sign. All I know is that I’m on top again. Queen of my ever-changing wonderful world.
Sometimes hidden in the very dark places of your mind, light finds a way to shine through anyways. Lately I’ve found so much joy in learning more about the things my body and mind are capable of, while simultaneously building my mental and physical strength. They say our body is a temple and how true that has proven to be these days.
Yoga has taken me to a higher level from which I am able to face each day with a clear mind and a clean slate. I let myself feel freely and in turn have let so many of my walls down. In fact, there are no walls left. My life is now divided into separate chapters; then and now. There is a weight that I no longer carry and a burden that will never again be mine. Letting go is finally something that makes sense to me, at last I’ve learned how.
Very thankful for this new blessing that has been taking care of me. Thrilled to see what heights my mental well-being will continue to soar to in the future.