It’s almost midnight. You are flipping through a stack of flash cards for what feels like the tenth time today, simultaneously studying for three exams rapidly approaching within the next 7 days. Your body is exhausted from the consistent 4 hours of sleep you get nightly plus your daily commute which totals close to 2 1/2 hours. All you wish to do is focus on your school studies but you have no choice but to continue to work full-time to barely support yourself in a city with ever-escalating expenses. You haven’t spent time with your friends, outside of work, in over a month. Speaking of work, you consistently feel the urge to strangle every uppity customer that talks down to you solely based on the fact that you are the one “serving” them their cup of coffee. And whether or not your coffee shop will still be in business when Spring rolls around? Well that is doubtful. You haven’t been to yoga(your absolute favorite form of therapy in the whole wide world) or even the gym in several weeks; ages really. You have definitely packed on a few extra pounds due to some recent stress eating. Not to mention the ever-growing pile of laundry that you just can’t seem to ever find the time for. You are fighting off all those angry thoughts that living in this chaotic city can sometimes create, especially every time you transfer at Union Square to a sardine-packed 4 train. You haven’t been home to see your family in 9 months and all you want is one comforting hug and a re-assuring “it’s going to be okay”.
You suck it up. You breathe. You let all the negativity go. You move onward, always forward. It’s called sacrifice. You do it because you believe you can. You do it because you want a better life and you sure as hell deserve it. You do it to make someone proud even if it is simply yourself. Most importantly, above all, you do it because you feel a passion inside of you so incredibly strong that you are convinced you were meant for greater things.
Years from now you will no longer be that girl behind the counter at some random cafe. You are going places. You will have everything you’ve ever dreamed. And more.
And at the end of the day before you finally drift to sleep, you glance out your window to catch a glimpse of the city skyline twinkling from afar. You remember what you came here for and what you are willing to do to achieve that. The magic of the city keeps your dream alive.
So yes, blog selfies are a bit silly. But this year is all about confidence and now is one of those times where I truly feel beautiful, inside and out. Life is full of so much passion and hope. I wish to always feel just as inspired as I do in this very moment. Inner peace changes everything.
Here’s to the good days. They help to overcome the bad ones.
These days I surround myself with people I love, give my soul to my passions and experience all the beauty I desire. I’m taking care of me. It feels good.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still terrified. Of what will be, what might not. But for the very FIRST time, I am in complete control of my life.
I’ve been climbing these internal mountains; completing tasks that are quite frightening to me. I desire to move forward and make all my dreams come true.
That is what it is all about; my future. When I picture myself in ten years from now, there are many things I wish for. So I vow to make all these things my reality. Because what else is there? We get this one chance.
For so long I was unsure of my purpose or how I would leave my mark on this ever-changing crazy world. There has always been passion and love consuming me. I just didn’t know where to aim my focus.
I have officially been accepted to college, beginning this Spring. I will study nutrition and eventually natural medicine. These are things I have become very passionate about and I can’t wait to help people in their journeys and battles with health and all things related. I am ready to share my passion and make a difference.
I believe we all do things in our own time. We need that freedom to figure it all out. My free spirit was never meant to be contained. I was meant to travel to never-ending new destinations, experience the beauty of nature, and fly with the wind. Re-locating to New York over 3 years ago was what truly ignited that spark in me. All that I have learned as well as how much I’ve grown in that time has given me the strength to make me dreams come true.
I’ve heard it said and perhaps it is true, they save the best for last. Well here I am. As ready as ever.
So often in this city am I inspired by people I’ve never spoken one word to. I feel this every time I pass by a single mother walking down the street with her children, on the train when I see an artist sketching, the business men and women dressed crisp and clean rushing off to their office jobs, runners traveling along various paths, the countless people who have no home and are braving the streets during a scorching summer day. I’m especially touched when I happen to be lucky enough to come across a musical performance while waiting for a train. Almost every weekend I have experienced an amazing show at the same subway stop. Very often people are in such a hurry and never even stop to listen and I will admit I have done the same. I believe the pace of this city can be overly rushed and chaotic on a level that can create distress on the mind and body. I told myself a while back to slow down and just enjoy the moment which is why I now listen to the music. These people are basically telling their story for every stranger passing by; their souls completely exposed. That type of passion is what drives me and that force alone pushes me to be a better person. I’m not yet sure what I want to do with my life and my future and lately I feel like I’m pulled in every direction. But I’m convinced that if I continue to better myself and keep doing the things I love that I will always be happy. I will make sure of it.
During my recent visit to the desert, my friend Heatherlyn and I spoke extensively regarding our inspirations in life. I told her that I have felt myself in a sort of slump lately. I’m aware that I need a new project but I’m just not sure what that is. There are all these things inside waiting to be unleashed. I have an artistic mind and creativity constantly radiates from me but I don’t have a true outlet. I’ve always kept a journal to put my thoughts down on paper which has proven extremely therapeutic. I’ve taken a shot at drawing and painting but I don’t have enough passion in that area.
I am aware of my love for capturing photos of all the people, places and things I admire. In addition to that, I am a lover of plants and flowers. I believe it has to do with my nurturing nature. I want to take care of something/someone. It calms me.
So HL and I were brainstorming and the next steps became crystal clear. I have established some new projects and cannot wait to throw myself into something fresh. Because if I know anything at all its that I am happiest when I am continuing to learn, challenging myself and creating.