So yes, blog selfies are a bit silly. But this year is all about confidence and now is one of those times where I truly feel beautiful, inside and out. Life is full of so much passion and hope. I wish to always feel just as inspired as I do in this very moment. Inner peace changes everything.
Here’s to the good days. They help to overcome the bad ones.
So I am currently hyped up on way too much coffee, New York City is covered in a fluffy white blanket, I’m cuddled inside enjoying the gorgeous view AND I made my first ever snow angel earlier; I am in the greatest mood.
I’ll be a college freshman in approximately three weeks. I know that I will be learning many things but honestly I’ve already learned the most important one. This lesson is internal. I love and appreciate myself. That’s all. Nothing more.
I think sometimes people hear the word “meditation” and it may appear so obscure, unknown and out there that they are unwilling to try. I think if all the world took the time to meditate, in any form of their choice, we would have so much less hate and hurt. To connect with yourself in meditation form is a true gift. One I am very passionate about. All anxiety melts away with a few deep breaths and true focus on self. That ability to let go is so important.
All the past make sense and I have trust in my future. I am being taken care of in all accounts and I feel true love from those closest to me. There is nothing more I need and to wish for more seems silly and selfish. My picture is different from the future I envisioned but I’m having a wonderful time building a different one.
Much love to you all. Namaste.
“Know that life will take you where you need to be, with the people you need to be with. And when it’s time to let go? Don’t hold on. Clear out the old to make space for the new. The space that’s left with this person out of your life will soon be filled by a person who deserves your love. Or can you learn to love yourself so much that the space will never be empty? I think if anything, that’s why we are here. To learn, and to love.”
Forget about enlightenment. Sit down wherever you are and listen to the wind that is singing in your veins. Feel the love, the longing and the fear in your bones. Open your heart to who you are, right now, not who you would like to be. Not the saint you’re striving to become. But the being right here before you, inside you, around you. All of you is holy. You’re already more and less than whatever you can know. Breathe out, look in, let go.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
Have you ever wanted what you could never have?
It’s that stomach dropping, eternal panic that completely consumes you. You wake up in a cold sweat, not able to breathe. There is something missing inside of you. The worst part is this. The emptiness isn’t something you can just fill with anything. Drifting back to sleep will not solve this. No amount of time with friends, laughter, sun, meditation, exercise, long walks, deep breathing…
At some point, the longing isn’t about the loss or the lack of, anymore. It just becomes a part of who you are. It is a constant pain that you learn to control.
It feels strange to carry this with me sometimes. Mostly because my missing piece is the only other soul who could understand. Fifteen years of history is not something you bring up in casual conversation or even with new friends. Yet there are moments you feel you may burst from the sheer intensity of it all. You want it to leave your body; need to find someone who could possible relate.
Days continue to pile on top of each other. Months pass with each new full moon. I am living, growing, learning, discovering new things, fighting new battles, traveling so many new paths. I’m finding myself over and over again. You will never know these things. Never can I turn to you for guidance or reassurance. Never again will we share those long talks that used to define us. You will not be there for all my big moments and I will never know of yours. Maybe somehow we will still feel each other. I have to believe that your mind will never fully throw away all thoughts of me. I hope a small part of you will remember…
There is no solution to this. In fact, the lack of resolution has always been our definition. Now we are strangers. We’ve become something that we could have never imagined.
It was unrealistic to hold onto that maddening hope for this long. I always thought I knew something that no one else did; something special. Something greater. If I kept believing, it stayed real. There was no force that could take that from me.
But the world backfires.
That night could have gone so many ways, way back when. I was just a naive teenager convinced that she knew what love was. Turns out that maybe I did understand, after all. These years have taught me everything. The loss you was the biggest lesson of them all. I may forever walk this world with the weight of my broken heart but I can say I had something that I am certain most people never will. It’s always going to hurt but it will always be worth it. I just wish my mind would finally set me free. I’m tired of feeling like a prisoner in my own body.