Sometimes you need to slow down and appreciate just how far you have come.
That’s exactly what I made time for this morning. Sitting at a french cafe in the heart of Chelsea, I reflected on the past few weeks. There is definite evidence of progress. I have been participating in and enjoying Bikram yoga for close to three months now. My friend and I signed up for a 5k Summer series in Prospect Park. Every other Wednesday throughout the summer we will run a 5k. Ran one so far and although it was rough getting back into it, I felt proud to be doing something I love again. Running always makes me feel so strong. I made a commitment to cut sugar out of my diet and successfully went a whole three weeks without a drop of it. During that time I also consumed no alcohol and while I did have a few beers after my detox was over in honor of celebration, I have decided to quit drinking almost indefinitely. I don’t feel that need to escape that I once did which alcohol used to provide me and mostly just feels like I am poisoning my body whenever I do drink. I always feel worse. I only want to participate in activities that are beneficial to my body; I want to be good to myself. I established a personal doctor again and have been in for a few visits, it has been years since I’ve paid any attention to those important details of my life. This morning I was informed that I lost 12 pounds and drastically improved my blood pressure since my previous visit. I can only continue to work hard at boosting my health. Because all that matters to me is that I am healthy; physically, mentally and spiritually.
Aside from the focus on my health and wellness, I also recently received a raise after I obtained my New York City Health Academy certification in Food Safety. It feels good to be able to buy a few more groceries and not work so hard to pay the bills. I’m also looking forward to being able to travel a bit more often, so long as I can afford it.
I’m close to a month away from a trip home. I cannot wait to see my loved ones, have some fun and laughter and recharge my spirit.
I believe that life is mostly about timing. Sometimes things happen at all the wrong moments. But then again, sometimes it all works out. I feel strongly that there are amazing things about to happen in my future. I’m not waiting around or anything. My everyday adventures are more than I could ask for. I have the best friends, most supportive and loving family, an open mind, a big heart and the desire to always experience new things constantly and learn as much as I can. I believe the universe is taking good care of me as well as all of the hard work I have been doing.
Oh and it has officially been one year since I moved back to New York. I am still so in love with this amazingly versatile city.
I am a very lucky and grateful woman.
It was on a bus somewhere along my commute from Trader Joe’s back home. It was a frigid Monday morning and I was bundled tightly. None of my regular music could settle me; everything felt painful in my ears. I chose a piano/violin station and as the bus became more and more of a crowded and chaotic environment with each stop, I drifted further away. I closed my eyes and escaped the bus, the city, the world, my thoughts, my emotions, until it was like I didn’t even exist in my own body any longer. It felt warm. The warmest I have felt in so long. I was entirely motionless and my head empty. Strangely I had managed to completely let everything go, all the things inside. Some I was aware of and even things I didn’t know were there. It was bliss in those few moments yet so brief. Eventually I felt the vibrations in my feet travel back throughout my entire body and I was aware once again.
That was my favorite place…I want to go there again. I think I’ll visit often.
Slightly delayed but it’s finally here. My list of to-dos in this new and glorious year. Enjoy.
1. Get a passport and flee the country. In other words, TRAVEL
2. Get a BOYFRIEND. I can honestly say I don’t know when the last time was that I was actually spoken for, as in taken. This does not mean that I’m not enjoying the dating world. Because I’m having a blast.
3. Have more sex in the shower, try out rooftops, the subway, anywhere really. Just have more SEX. Yes, I said it.
4. Take my passions to a higher level. I’ve done an insane amount of writing and taken countless photos since I moved here in 2010. I would like to put these together in some way. DOCUMENT MY ADVENTURES
5. Focus on ME. Continuous work in progress.
6. Fix my CREDIT. I’m not proud at all about the fact that it’s bad. This has screwed me more than once this year. I will no longer let a single score determine my triumphs and defeats. It’s time to grow up.
Stay tuned to see what happens. I’m going to kick this year’s ass.
I’ve found that since I’ve moved to the east coast and actually began to experience the change of seasons that this time of year is my absolute favorite. Fall fills my heart with such joy and it seems I also walk around in a dreamy state more than usual. It’s just so damn beautiful around here. The colors are mesmerizing. Silly as it may sound, I find myself drifting around aimlessly, falling in love, all over again, with this glorious city and everything surrounding me. It matters not if I am sitting in the park in the middle of the day watching leaves fall or strolling along the Hudson River and night just engulfing my lungs with the Autumn air; the city seems more stunning, life feels more breath-taking and I appear more elegant.
What fascinates me is that all this beauty is rooted from the death in nature. Trees dying, life fading and the sun moving further and further away. Soon the days will become shorter and cold will set in. But even then, when winter takes over, I will embrace it and how it makes me feel.
So many things have died inside of me lately. So many endings. You would expect sadness to set it but it hasn’t; it just won’t. I’m like a forest full of trees, stuck between two seasons. My leaves are changing, parts of me are completely exposed for all to see but I’m overwhelmingly vivid. I am beautiful. Perhaps my glory is coming to an end for now. Maybe I’ll become completely covered in snow, silent and still for a while. But when I re-emerge I will be taller and stronger than ever.
Seasons are always changing, we are always just a few months away from a new beginning. And I am always an inspiration away from the next phase of myself. Ever-changing and always evolving.
I very much like doing my own thing. I have been making a lot of big decisions lately and for once it doesn’t feel so scary. It just feels right. I’ve never been very good at being an adult but I guess I finally figured it out. You do what you have to do; to keep yourself moving forward, to prevent yourself from moving backwards, to stay motivated, to feel safe, to secure a future.
I’ve held onto many hopes, dreamt many dreams and fancied many things in my time. But I finally decided what is going to push myself further. I know what is going to set me aside from others and how my life is going to feel like it has purpose again. It all has to do with traveling and 2013 will be my year. It just has to be.
Striving to be a better me with each passing day. You can bet as many times as I fall down, I will always get back up, stand taller and work even harder.
I’ve been doing an alright job in the fitness department and just trying to relax beyond that. Convinced that I shouldn’t have to feel so homesick this often, I just planned another trip back home for September. When all is said and done the point of life is to enjoy it. Money means nothing to me without being able to spend time laughing with my loved ones. As I continue to get the hang of balancing my love of this city with the distance I’ve put between the people who mean the most to me, I am slowing learning how to make sense of all these emotions. I plan to stay on my own for now but that doesn’t mean I can’t plan more trips back home.
Everything is going to be just fine.
There is nothing that feels as settling as peace of mind. I finally believe that everything is going to be okay. More than that, I know it is going to be worth every bit of the ride.
I am filled with many emotions on my very last week residing in Ohio. I am going to miss the beauty, the calm, the serenity, the slow pace, the generosity, the people and my friends. Beyond that, I am ready for the next big thing. So much to do; so worth it.
If you really want something, make it happen. It’s as simple as that. I don’t believe the process spent in getting the things we want will be simplistic by any means, but we can have anything we desire. In my recent assessment of the last few years of my life, I know this theory to be so true.
I’ve been yearning for something that I do not have anymore. When, in all actuality, who says that I shouldn’t have it? I really owe it to myself to do everything within my power to get that things I want in my life. I am the only one that can make this happen. It is all riding on me.
I spent a week of self-realization, discovered the benefits of meditation and managed to do some new soul-searching. Then I spent a few very low days analyzing and understanding my current situation. I can, without a doubt, work very hard to make a life for myself here. But I never intended to do it alone. I’ve gained a great deal of independence and strength in my current residence but it’s time to move on.
Plans are in the works to move back to the city that stole my heart. Literally. There has not been one day that has passed that I don’t think about it. I became myself when I moved to New York and I haven’t truly been myself since I left it behind. My energy is focused on this dream that never really left me, I just found a way to push it aside for a brief moment in time. I can’t wait to go back home.