Gratitude-Day 6

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Today I’m grateful for the past but even more excited for the future. All the while being sure to focus on the present moment. I’ll never stop fighting for what I want. I’ll never stop trying.
None of us know what tomorrow will hold for us. It is so important to enjoy today and simply to have fun. Find out what your passion is and live it everyday. We all deserve that.

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My Score Board

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If you want to be sad, live in the past.

If you want to be anxious, live in the future.

If you want to be peaceful, live in the now.

I’ve had all these things running through me for weeks now. Countless drafts and attempts but nothing would come out. Until now.

Summertime has been good to me this time around. I’ve spent some blissful days on the beach with the warmth of the sun nurturing my skin as well as my soul. There have been picnics and rooftop bonding time with the wonderous humans in my life. I traveled home and spent time with my family; always a blessing.

There is this tendency for me to live in the past and/or future at times. I believe we all get caught up in these traps, it’s difficult not to. Realistically, the only thing we can ever count on is the “now”.

Yoga helps me balance out all the craziness that constantly pulses throughout me. If ever I’ve believed in any method of therapy, yoga is it.

I feel that a lot of the thoughts I have are unexplainable to many people I come in contact with, even those close to me. I’ve learned that accepting things as they are is the only thing that settles me.

Why do I want more? Why do I wish for what others have? Why can’t I just breathe it all in and stay grateful? I still have so much to learn.

Maybe it’s time to move on again. This city I love is capable of holding me back and creating so much tension and chaos.

In my mind, transitioning my life to another new place is the easy part; starting over is what I’m good at. It’s saying goodbye to the old that leaves me feeling so weighted…

One-Eighty and the Peace Treaty

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Once upon a time, I struggled through a certain period of feeling extremely unstable. I would literally feel fine one moment and end up crying the next. During this time I can honestly say I was in a very deep state of depression; something I have battled with for years. I felt beyond angry, defeated, bitter and sadly, didn’t even want to try.

I let those feelings control me and rule my world and that, in turn, made me miserable. I am not at all proud of the person I was back then but I can say that I am thankful to know what those emotions feel like. Somehow I was convinced that I was entitled to certain things and/or outcomes. I had so many expectations and instead of just letting things happen, I pushed many things I shouldn’t have.

These days I am a different person. I feel secure in just being me. I dropped the ego, the expectations, the sense of entitlement, the victim card, the drama, the negativity, the baggage and the whole living in the past thing; I finally grew up.

I have no idea where this next year will take me. However, I am certain that I will be following my dreams and cannot think of anything more important or rewarding. I am so thankful to have the opportunity and ability to chase after what I want and pursue my passions. Anything could happen and I am so ready to give my all. I’ve never felt stronger and more full of love; at peace with myself. Who knows, maybe a year from today I will be telling a different story. The one in which my fairy-tale finally comes true.

Love Wins, Hope Lives

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So many different ways my clouded mind has been drifting lately. The good and the bad. Oh the bad…It’s been following me everywhere I go. The hurt and the past. Neither of which are of any use to me. I have been hoping for the strength to overcome these recent internal waves of darkness.

I’ve decided to stick with love. I don’t need the countless other negative emotions that try to block out the good in me. The parts of me that were meant to shine.

Recent endeavors guided by meditation have taught me that most of the turmoil in our lives come from our egos and overall fear. This chaos causes much of our anger. Well I refuse to be angry. I’m still working on letting go of my fear. At times it can be difficult not to fear ending up alone, especially when so many others around me have their someone. But then again, I guess that makes me special. My person is still out there searching, as am I. Maybe on this journey to find myself, someday I will feel whole again. Without needing anyone else to validate me. I’m still learning about all the reasons why I’m good enough. I just have to remember to believe.

So love wins. Because it’s all I’ve ever had to give. The broken parts of me aren’t strong enough to hold me down anymore. These new parts of me that I’ve built are much stronger. I’m still holding onto hope. It’s all I have now. And I will not let go.

Future Queen of the Unknown

I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger. But those days are gone and this time is new.
I am older now and life makes more sense. I am working hard and playing ever harder. Someday I will finally settle down but until then I plan to keep going full force. Everyone gets their time to shine and I am hopeful that mine is coming.