If you want to be sad, live in the past.
If you want to be anxious, live in the future.
If you want to be peaceful, live in the now.
I’ve had all these things running through me for weeks now. Countless drafts and attempts but nothing would come out. Until now.
Summertime has been good to me this time around. I’ve spent some blissful days on the beach with the warmth of the sun nurturing my skin as well as my soul. There have been picnics and rooftop bonding time with the wonderous humans in my life. I traveled home and spent time with my family; always a blessing.
There is this tendency for me to live in the past and/or future at times. I believe we all get caught up in these traps, it’s difficult not to. Realistically, the only thing we can ever count on is the “now”.
Yoga helps me balance out all the craziness that constantly pulses throughout me. If ever I’ve believed in any method of therapy, yoga is it.
I feel that a lot of the thoughts I have are unexplainable to many people I come in contact with, even those close to me. I’ve learned that accepting things as they are is the only thing that settles me.
Why do I want more? Why do I wish for what others have? Why can’t I just breathe it all in and stay grateful? I still have so much to learn.
Maybe it’s time to move on again. This city I love is capable of holding me back and creating so much tension and chaos.
In my mind, transitioning my life to another new place is the easy part; starting over is what I’m good at. It’s saying goodbye to the old that leaves me feeling so weighted…
Taking some time out tonight to reposition things into perspective. This would be the perfect moment to sit on a rooftop and enjoy the light drizzle from the clouds above. I remember those nights I would sit on my rooftop and take in the view of the city, close my eyes, drown out the loud sounds of chaos surrounding me, and just think. That was by far my favorite thinking spot. Just one short month until I am reunited with the city that stole my heart.
I recently watched a movie called “Fierce People” and it caused a stirring in my mind, as so many other things do. In the final dialogue of the film the main character states, “We are the sum of all people we have ever met; you change the tribe and the tribe changes you.”
The absolute true nature of this statement travels directly to the core of me and makes my soul glow. The importance of our everyday contact with strangers as well as friends is unmatched by any other venture in our lives. Life is interaction. Our interaction with each other. We learn and grow in these moments. Our lives shape and shift every time we meet someone new. We gain goodness and endure sadness. We redefine ourselves according to who we are close to. Choice is the most powerful weapon we will ever possess and we make choices depending on how it will affect the people around us. We are ruled by our environments and the people who live within them. We are all a part of each other.
I was thinking about how many times I’ve been changed and the truth is, it’s constant. As independent as I am, I am also easily influenced. Mostly because I have such a fascination with how people run their lives. I observe, attempt to benefit or at least understand and keep a piece of this with me at all times.
If I had to say how many times I think I’ve changed someone, I could honestly not answer. I do believe that impacting a life is such a powerful thing. I strive to always leave things better than I find them. I am convinced that just being true to myself and never changing who I am will alone change things. I will change things in my own ways, in my own time.
I am eternally grateful for my tribe.
“Choosing to live your life by your own choice is the greatest freedom you will ever have.”
I suppose it’s time to make another big decision. Life kicks and throws you around sometimes but that is surely a sign. I need to follow my heart and if that means moving on again, then so be it.
So today I find out Tiffany wants to move back to Arizona. I really like it here but things have been very difficult lately. Especially with the snow and not having a reliable car. It’s not like NY as far as public transit goes. I just barely felt like I was beginning to make things work again. I don’t know if I can make it here without her. But I also just don’t think I’ll be happy there either, in the long run. I really wish I knew what to do or that someone would just tell me what I should do…
I guess I’ll just sleep on it.
Life is all about choices. These choices, in turn, build our future. I hope I’m making the right one this time…