This year has been the most challenging. I would say that belief in my personal abilities is my main driving force. Also, it’s usually best to view things on more of a micro level; the macro can overwhelm me quickly. Like today, for instance. Two classes, a creative writing club meeting, a National Leadership speaker seminar and an advisement appointment. Probably hours of homework to follow, as well. Life is busier than it has ever been, but I asked for this. When I think of what the alternative could have been, I’m thankful. But oh how lonely it all can feel at times. I’ve lost friends due to their new relationships, social time is almost non-existent, I miss my family, I’m living in a city that has the ability to kill your spirit daily, and I often feel like I have no one to vent to. That’s not true, of course. I do. I have an amazing support system but mostly I need someone who gets it. Thankfully, I have friends here that are also in school and that helps a great deal.
So while I’m proud of my progress, I am extremely difficult on myself as well. That’s the way its always been.
In the stillness of the morning, immersed in so much thought, I still am not entirely sure where all this is leading. But despite my self-doubt and tumultuous reflection, I am certain that my passion will lead the way. What else is there?