‘Live the life you love,
Love the life you live.”
Sometime in the past week or so, the air finally began to change. The birds started singing loudly, the leaves are sprouting on various trees, flowers began to bloom and the grass is getting greener. Spring is here. My daily commute has felt much more enjoyable without all the layers and I desire to be outdoors as much as possible. Simply put, this weather is nothing short of a blessing in disguise.
I’ve been battling with some decisions and miscellaneous internal demons these past few weeks. Mostly regarding the next steps I will take in my life. I did have it all planned out but life happens and sometimes that causes me to think, possibly even over think. I was having overpowering surges of sadness as well as intense loneliness at times. I was missing many people back home. These feelings are normal and perhaps, in the moment, I let them get the best of me. But I have found that in these moments of sadness, I grow even stronger in my independence. Every time I have one of these waves of weakness/loneliness, I use it as motivation in some way. In the past I may have just slept the day away, ate way too much unhealthy crap, felt sorry for myself or cried uncontrollably. These days I understand myself better. I know I have to get out and do something, write something or create something. Lately I’ve been taking the dog on a lot of long walks, decorating my house and trying out a few new recipes a week. These things always make me feel happy.
This past Monday I took my first run outside since I’ve lived here. I remember walking these neighborhood streets when I first arrived and thinking of the day I would run them. That first night run I took was completely cleansing to say the least. I ran fast and hard but I felt so strong and steady. I let everything that had been bothering me just melt away. I imagined myself running that same path for the next few months and all I could do was smile. That’s when I decided it. I am staying in Ohio. It suites me. There is this part of my soul that knows that I am supposed to be here at this very time in my life. No matter the odds, the loneliness, sadness, struggle, distance from loved ones, longing for other places or the hardships, I will rise above it. I will persevere. This is my destiny. I just know it.
Everyday I feel more thankful to be myself and realize just how special that is. Every mistake, flaw and faulty piece keeps me grounded, reminds me of my roots, where I have been and where I am going.