Fake It Until You Make It


New York has now been my home for a full year. It has been, without a doubt, the craziest, most emotional, difficult, scariest, amazing, awesome, inspiring, empowering and life changing experience that I have ever been through. Instead of rambling on, I have decided I will highlight my most favorite moments.

~Fall. Almost, if not every single bit of it. Leaves changing and falling constantly. Lots of rain. So much beauty. I find myself looking forward to a couple months from now when the season changes again.

~Thanksgiving Potluck. I was still kind of the newbie at work and Caitlin invited me to her place for a turkey day feast. There were several other of my co-workers there and I remember feeling like I had finally made some new friends and my heart felt settled again. I was starting to actually feel at “home” in my new environment.

~The First Snow. I remember the night well. Tiffany and I were on our way to spend time with our friend James at a neighborhood bar not too far from our place. It started snowing on our bus ride there. Tiffany started freaking out. Keep in mind, we had never really been in snow before during the actual snow fall. I was super excited, taking pictures out the window of the bus and texting everyone back home to tell them we were finally getting snow! We arrived at our destination and had a few drinks. Once we stepped back out into the night, there was a layer of snow that had began to form on the streets and parked cars. By the time I got home I was ready to snuggle up under my heated blanket and watch the snow begin to build outside my third story window. Every cheesy part of my soul was in a blissful state. I was a happy girl.

~Solo trip to Boston. Woke up early, hopped on a bus, walked around the city for a few hours in the freezing cold, and headed back home. There was still snow everywhere and I just fell in love with the area. Still haven’t gotten a chance to get back there since it warmed up but I intend to do so really soon.

~Battery Park/Hudson River. Sometime in February I explored Battery Park. I was just getting back into being active again and I wanted to do some walking. The area is really amazing and there simply are few words to describe it until you see it for yourself.

~Knitting with Caitlin. One of the first times Caitlin and I spent time together was over her place. I believe there was a light shower of snow flurries coming down and we sat on her living room floor sipping on some version of a pina colada that she had created with her new blender. She taught me the basics of knitting while she worked on a quilt that she was constructing. We listened to the sounds of Boys 2 Men, Joni Mitchell, Whitney Houston, Micheal Jackson and much much more. We bonded over the stories of our lives, laughed and even cried. I know for sure that her and I share a unique bond. I love that girl and she is definitely one of the people who have made surviving in this city a possibility.

~New Years Eve. The morning started off rough. I found out that Sammy passed away of cancer. Not really knowing what to feel or how to act, I was overwhelmed. Thankfully, my friend Josh was visiting and we started drinking early and set out on an adventure. The day is a bit of a blur. I know that at midnight it was Gus, Tiff, Josh and I laughing and having a great fucking time at some bar in the city. It was the perfect way to ring in the new year with people that I love.

~M Visit. I simply could not and would not be able to keep this part out of this post. At, what I view as, the height of our friendship and understanding of each other as a whole, my best friend and I planned his visit to New York City. I was ecstatic to have someone so important to me to experience my new environment along with me. I was in high anticipation for weeks and it was a wonderful thing to look forward to. The fine print and details are not important. I was so incredibly happy to spend time with him for a week and watch him experience the crazy city. Life is forever changing and we can never go back. But I will always remember that first night of his visit. I was the happiest I had in a very long time…

~Running. I never imagined myself tackling the art of running as a way of being active. The treadmill terrified me during most of my trips to the gym. Finally I started a program called Couch to 5k. The first runs were short but I soon worked my way up slowly and before I knew it I was gaining strength and stamina. Not to mention confidence! The first day I run for 25 minutes straight on the treadmill, I actually became overcome with emotion and my eyes began to fill with tears. Yes I really am that easily triggered. Ha ha. It was still winter and painfully cold back then so I spent most of my time running inside. These days I run the park often. Last week I ran the Brooklyn bridge, back and forth. I can’t even explain how proud of myself I was. I still am dammit. I will run a marathon later this year. It is, after all, on my bucket list 🙂

So here I am. I would be lying if I said it was easy. It was painful, even brutal at times. There literally was blood, sweat and tears. So many things have changed in twelve short months and many things continue to change daily. Most importantly, I have changed. I grew up and learned all the things I was always afraid to face before. I am not scared anymore. Give me any obstacle, any battle, any hardship, any loss, any new environment to survive in. They say if you can make it here then you can make it anywhere. Believe me, it is true. So here I go into the wide unknown, more than ready for another year in this bumpy ride called life. Nothing is going to stop me from making it the best that I have ever had. I have a few tricks I’ve had hidden up my sleeve. It may be time to finally let it all out. When the time is right of course.

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