I’m Alive

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As much as my heart is gone these days, it still finds a way to hurt me. What I wouldn’t give to fast forward to a future time when I don’t remember those days. Sometimes I do want to remember, but mostly look forward to forgetting and existing as if it never happened.
I am this bright shining force, so full of all these things to give. I share small pieces of me, here and there and it keeps me alive. But deep down to my core, the place no one has ever been, so much is kept safely. I have glimpses of hope when I believe someday I will be understood. As much power as I possess, there is one part of me that will never recover. … …… .. … …. …. …. I was a foolish girl from the beginning and lived ever so blindly. These days, as I walk the streets as a grown woman, I know so much. Things I never even wanted or asked for; even still, this weight is mine. My body is alive and well but my heart is forever gone. I am numb and I don’t feel anymore, I am not even capable of feeling. I don’t WANT to feel. I could disintegrate into the night and it would be okay. I’m okay. All the million pieces of my shattered soul work very well together. I finally learned how to transform extreme hurt into power and I’m broken in all the right places.

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