Sometimes all I know how to do is write things out. I have no idea how to deal with certain things and events alternatively.
I write to let go and most importantly to understand. I know that some people read this blog but I also really have no idea who exactly.
On my way home tonight, I thought hard about the people in this world who possess the ability to comfort me. I imagined walking through the door of my apartment only to discover arms to hug me, to hold me. Just to let me know that everything is going to be okay. I truly do believe that it will, in time, be okay. But all the same, in this moment I would give anything to be taken care of. Just for the night. Because as much as I wish I was able to hide it, I have emotions and I need to be able to share them. I long to get them out into the open. To move forward. I want to feel safe.
I walked home carrying such sad news while unsure of how it affected me. Death scares me more than anything that could ever hurt me. I tried drifting far away into another time but reality took over as soon as my eyes set upon the Liquor store in the distance. With a turn of the key, I soon found myself inside my apartment. It was real. I hugged my sister tighter than I can ever remember. I went into my room and cried for a long time. Because out of all the things I am afraid of, tears are not one of them.