Life is Full of Surprises

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I find that I think the most clearly when I am in my most comfortable environment. It clears my mind and helps put things into perspective.

So I’ve been assessing my current state of mind, emotions, mood and overall behavior. Since I’ve been back in Arizona I have felt a lot more stable. I can honestly say that I’ve missed sunsets, stars, peace and quiet and simplicity. All these feelings lately have been quite difficult on me and I don’t think I’ve acted myself or even been myself for some time now. Maybe my problem is that I’m not sure who I am anymore. There are certain things I do know.
New York is fun and exciting. Endless possibilities and opportunities. I have met some great people and done some amazing things. But…
My new environment is overshadowed by chaos. It is a constant go lifestyle. My sleep is full of the consistent roar of traffic. I am surrounded by pushy people; they want what they want how they want it and they want it now. I live in a small somewhat confined space. The world never stops going around me. Ever.
I still love many things about NY. That hasn’t changed. It has molded me in certain ways that I am proud of. I’m much more independent and have come out of my shell a lot. But I recognize that I have also picked up habits that I’m not at all proud of. I have lost the patience I used to have and I feel like, at times, I’m sort of mean and judgmental. This is unnecessary and not the way I want it.
I believe my time in New York is essential but as I have always told people in my life, it is temporary. I needed to have this experience for many reasons. Because even though I’ve let the east coast change me in some negative ways, I can’t imagine who I would have turned into if I would have never moved on from Arizona. I’m stronger and I’ve grown. It’s just time to benefit from what I’ve learned. The world keeps on turning and I will be just fine. I finally know what to do.

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