Why Not Me

My roommate recently found out she is pregnant. This is a burden to her, not at all a blessing. She is one of my best friends and it my job to stay neutral and provide support. I have listened to how she feels and haven’t at all been judgmental, not once. Still, this is difficult for me and it’s hard to pretend otherwise. In my own mind at least, tangled in my thoughts.
She does not plan to keep the baby. That kills me. Yet I can never tell her or anyone. So I share it here.
It’s no secret that I want to be a Mom. I always have. Most of my friends have children now or at least on the way and I couldn’t be happier for them. But I would be lying if I said it wasn’t difficult for me. It really truly hurts. I don’t know what will happen in my life; which dreams will come true. I can only hope for the best. And if I never get what I want than I guess i just accept it. But it still scares the shit out of me. As much as I try to hide it, I can’t help thinking why not me…

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