Hurdles, Leaps and Bounds

On this road to reconstruction, some days seem to eat me alive. I realize the importance of celebrating successes and I take part in these whenever possible, but at times this is just not enough.
How did I ever get here? When did I let myself become this person that, in my eyes, needs so much work? Why did I not work harder to change me back then? I know none of that matters and it’s what I’m doing now that counts, but still I wish I had cared enough to motivate myself so long ago.
This process is not meant to be simple and therefore I recognize that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. But let’s face it, I am.
Today I browsed through old photos and happened upon some of myself that surprised me. I cannot believe I’m the same person. I am proud of how far I’ve come but know I am nowhere near finished.
I honestly don’t know my point. I just needed to vent. I find it difficult to be a female in today’s society with all the expectations and perfect bodies plastered everywhere you go. Advertisements, mannequins, commercials, magazines, etc etc etc. I know that I am this amazing woman with many shining qualities. Sometimes though I lose focus and fall into this dark place; I suppose we all do.
I will never stop fighting to reach my goal. I guess that is all that matters.


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