The Hard Part

I’ve always been close with my family.  When making the decision to move to the opposite side of the US, I took this into major consideration.  Overall, I have always been very emotional and I crave affection; in any form.  In a way, this move was very much a personal challenge for me.  I needed to learn how to talk myself out of a panic attack, rely on my own instincts, learn how to relate with new people and just flat-out demonstrate some full on independence for once.  Most importantly I desperately needed a fresh start.  So as much as I deeply miss my family and my friends, I have to put me first.  I really have so much work to do on myself and this journey is a step in the right direction, I do believe.  There are so many broken parts of me that need repair.  Until I fix me, nothing else really matters.

New York makes me happy and I don’t foresee departure any time soon, but from time to time I do miss Arizona a great deal.  Especially when reading things such as this:

“Hold on to your sisters, hold on as long as you can. cause although they may say things that piss you off, or do things you wish they didn’t, they might be a million miles away some day.

And those first few days may seem like nothing. but then those days turn into months, and although you have your own life, and your own problems to deal with on the day-to-day, all those little things bring you back.

To a time when things seemed so much more simple. and by all those little things, i mean ALL those little things. pictures, jewelery, people, places, songs, etc.

And that feeling you get is just so horrendous! it is so painful yet so beautiful at the same time. you want NOTHING more than to go all the way back to start. you want nothing more than to be in that white saturn once again, on the 101, singing the Format, with your two most favorite people in the whole world.

Your cheeks will be covered in tears… but you will have the slightest smirk painted across your lips.

Letting go will be one of the hardest challenges in your life. so stated once again, hold on to your sisters, as long as you can.”

I miss you Kaitlyn.  I promise to visit soon…


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