Clockwork

When I look back on it, I’m not exactly proud of some of the choices I have made in the last year or more importantly how I’ve chosen to cope with some of the obstacles in my life.  Most importantly, I had hoped to exhibit a higher level of emotional stamina and inner strength.  But that is life.  For me, things are always the clearest when I can look back and finally see the bigger picture, in much more focus than it ever was.

I guess the way I have handled things was the only way I knew how and that was all I had in me at the time.  Coping is different for all people.  I’ve grown as a person.  I am undoubtedly thankful for that.

What I do know, more than ever, is that you meet certain key people in your life for very specific reasons.  Each pivotal person that I’ve met in the last year of my life has shaken me, challenged me, tested me, taught me and changed me in many ways.  I realize the necessity of every interaction.

I am going to miss so many people when I move to New York, for their own special reasons…

Simeon- for being the only person I can carry on a phone conversation with longer than ten minutes. He is always there to listen.

Josh– the second of my gay boyfriends. Lol.  When I’m with him, we laugh constantly and feel truly happy.  I am not certain of how many soul mates we will meet in our lifetimes, if any, but I am positive that he is one of mine.

Heatherlyn(HL)– she is one of those people who exhibits true sincerity.  I admire that.  She is fun, inviting, friendly, an awesome cook, loves New York as much as me :), and it always feels good to be in her company.

Kaitlyn– my youngest sister.  We are alike in so many ways.  She is 18 going on 30 I swear.  I have carried on more adult in-depth conversations with her than most people I have met my age.  She is definitely headed for greatness.

Micah– although we are no longer in each others lives, I will forever miss him.  Some of the greatest conversations of my life were with him.  Many of these were when I was younger, less stubborn, less jaded, less moody, and less bitter.  Still, I am thankful that we shared the time we did.  It made me who I am today.

Christopher– someone who I have known for the last five years.  We just recently were able to learn more about each other and spend more time together.  I have a special connection with him that could never be replaced.

Emily– although our friendship is overshadowed by past events, I am thankful for the person who led me to her.  From the beginning I could just feel that we would be friends.  We are so much alike in so many aspects.  I know that we have helped each other in countless ways this year.  We all need each other for different reasons. I needed her and I do believe she needed me as well.  I know that we were brought together for the greater good.

There are more.  I will add to this later.  I just wanted to get this out while I could.  I feel good today.  Better than I have in some time…

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