Living for each second, without hesitation.
Bike rides with the girls that make me the happiest. Soaring at high speeds with the wind healing my soul.
Doing everything I can to improve, challenge and better myself.
Planning, cleaning up messes from my past, and reconstructing to build my future.
My new goal is to not project any negativity. Honestly this shouldn’t be so hard, but it is. Overall I am a very happy, positive person. But this is overshadowed by extreme sadness at times. I never know whether to hold that sadness in or talk about it. I feel like the mask is a better show.
I have so many friends and I could never even express how grateful I am for that. I spend time with my friends often. More than I ever did before. But I feel empty, still….
It’s nothing I can change, fix or force to get better. I don’t need someone to make my half feel whole. Just sometimes, lately, I miss being important. I miss being that someone special.
I fight for the ability to let people in and share as much as they are willing to let me. I fear that I will always push people away. Because, to keep people and feelings at a distance, seems a lot less painful than the alternative.